The year that changed our lives.

2023 was the most intense year our family ever went through.  We came very close to death.  To losing my best friend and sister, Sarah.  Blood cancers come on so fast and hard and I know more about them and the medical world than I ever imagined I would.  

It all happened in April 2023.  I had gone back to Denver (we had just relocated to Trinidad, Co) for a staff party at a place I used to work.  The guilt of this alone took a long time to unravel.  What if I hadn't gone, what if I had taken her to the emergency room, what if what if what if.  The end of this thought pattern is what is.   

She was found unresponsive which I learned when the paramedics called me and asked me very basic questions about her.  I jumped in the car back to Trinidad only to receive a call from my mom that she was in Pueblo.  Finally they let me see her.  She didn't know me when I walked in.  Then the tiny doctor told me it was Leukemia and they put her under.  My parents came, I set them up in a hotel, drove home to Trinidad only to be awoken by a doctor saying they had to airlift her to Denver.  I was in charge.  From that ok to giving her her first round of chemo.  The responsibility of her life was in my hands for those first 10 days.  

Staying in Anschutz in Denver with her not awake.  Doctors testing pulses on her feet and left (her dominant) hand.  Waking up every hour to new people in her room.  Learning how terrifyingly blunt surgeons are.  She is going to need amputations one told me upon waking from a sleepless night. At this point her feet and hand were black and dying.  I didn't want them to show her her hand when she woke up.  She had no idea where she was.  She still asks me to recount those first 10 days.

Can I give her my fingers? I knew that was a silly question but I would have frankensteined my body onto hers if I could. 

Prayers for feet, for her hand, thinking and praying over her to save what we could.  Her blood got too thick too fast and that mixed with the blood pressure medicine meant she lost circulation that she could never regain.

The cancer became secondary to us.  She was doing so well on chemo and her blood was coming back, then we tested for bone marrow donors.  I was 100% and I felt like I won the lottery. We all did.  One hand down, some toes gone, now lets get back to the cancer.  

The procedure was strange.  I got shots in my stomach for 4 days, each day creating more stem cells within my bones, so that it overflowed into my bloodstream. Then on collection day I just sat and had blood drawn for 4 hours, taking what they needed and putting back what I needed.  Science is remarkable.  

Sarah is now cancer free.  My blood coursing through her veins.  She has less but has gained so much throughout this whole process.  Her and our perspective on life and death and what matters is forever changed.  Some days are better than others, and she is relearning to be in her body and accept this new form.  She is literally my hero and I am so so so grateful she is still here. To cheer me up, to stand up for me, to inspire me, and to make me laugh.  

If you're interested in how we got here, my hell of a writer mom started this blog on caring bridge. 

If you feel inclined there are still bills to be paid, cause American healthcare as well as funds for prosthetics as this is a brand new territory we are navigating and it is really lacking in terms of cool looking body parts.  Here is a link to our Gofundme. 

Goodbye 2023!!! Bigger and bolder and more love in 2024.